de t ox.

hopefully no one will ever read this.
or for that matter.
anything i write on here.

i need to detox my thoughts.
every day i wake up.
screaming inside.
like when youre balls deep on shrooms.
ive gotten used to the feeling.
but its starting to wear on the people around me.
and when they bring it up.
the screaming turns into.
a ripping in my chest.
it feels as if there is something trying to escape.

and i hold it in.
most of the time.
i have too much aggression already built up.
to be able to release it in a healthy manner.
sometimes when im drinking.
and things are so fucking stupid.
that i cant take them anymore.
i explode.
and then leave.
while the person i hurt.
sits back.
cries.
and wonder what the fuck they ever did to me.
besides be there for me when i need them.

i wish everyone would stop being so cocky.
just because im upset.
DOESNT MEAN ITS ABOUT YOU.
i may yell at you.
because youre fucking retarded with.
your emotions.
but.
you cant grant yourself the pleasure.
of being the only dumb ass in my life.

most of the aggression isnt even from this area.
it stems much farther back.
a certain past relationship.
that never goes away.
a certain experience.
that let me see the truth to how people really are.
a lot of drugs.
that let me see how fucked up.
or beautiful as cooper would say.
this world really is.

sometimes i feel guilty.
for yelling.
it usually lands only on one person.
who cant handle it.
no matter how much they deserve it.
"i wish i could just grab him.
and shake him so fucking hard.
like a baby shaker."

how can he not see past the end of his nose.
all i ask.
is for respect.
and i get everything besides it.
I DONT TALK IN CODE.

i have add.
this proves it.

next time.
this will be more interesting.